Sex is a powerful union between a man and a woman. It is meant to be a holy union, but
this is only possible when a man and woman have received God’s blessing through
the promise of marriage. Sex
outside of marriage is a perversion
and is dangerous. It is
exhilarating, it is exciting and creates in us an addictive ecstasy.
Do
you know what the addictive nature of a heroine high is second only to? SEX!!
Sex is addictive, and I can testify to that. It makes you feel like you can’t breathe, like you don’t
want or need to breathe. It
creates butterflies in your stomach that travel up to your lungs. Your heart races, and your skin becomes
flushed and tingly. You want to be
held and touched, and you will not want it to stop.
Sex
isn’t all good though. It can hurt, especially for women the first time. But
even worse than the physical pain is the emotional trauma it can cause when it
has become perverted. Sex outside
of wedlock causes damage and scars in deep parts of our souls, in the
unreachable depths of our minds.
Weeks, months, and even years after it will resurface, hitting us out of
the blue. Satan loves to pick at that wound and expose it, just when we think
we have forgiven ourselves and are happy to stay pure, he throws it at us.
My
heart has always ached with unbearable loneliness. My loneliness is not only a need to be loved, adored and
desired, but a need to have my love, adoration, and desire accepted by another. I am a passionate person and it is easy
for me to throw love at people in hopes that they’ll catch the line and let me
pull them in. I connect well with
people. I don’t make friends easily, but when I connect with a person it is
deep and powerful. However I have
always hungered for a connection stronger than the one you can get from simple
friendship.
It
is vital that I learn to pour that hunger into a relationship with my Lord and
Savior, Jesus Christ, however I am human.
Because I am human, physical desire confuses the matter. Sex is a powerful physical and
emotional connection. For somebody
who loves connections as much as I it is intriguing, tantalizing and
irresistible. It is very important
to me. I wanted my husband to be the first person I gave it to. But I fell away from God, I got lost,
and that loneliness in my heart turned into a weakness that Satan picked apart
and exposed. I gave myself away.
I
HAD SEX. Not only sex, but UNHOLY sex.
God did not bless it, and it hurt.
Both physically but even more than that, emotionally. I trusted somebody else with my body,
and blindly they betrayed that trust.
The connection that I had looked forward to so much became a
prison.
There
are three scars that sin left behind I notice on an almost daily basis. The first, I can no longer sleep well
alone. During the day I am fine, I
am independent and focused on becoming a better me, but at night the loneliness in
my heart demands attention. I
fall asleep with my mind constantly thinking of the empty half of my bed. I fall asleep imagining the sound of
somebody else’s breathing. I wake up worried because I can't hear the breathing anymore. I wake
up in the middle of the night because I get this feeling that I can’t lay still
without somebody to hold me down to earth.
Every
time I think of being held by a man. Every time I wonder about my husband, who
he will be, and how he will choose to show that he loves me, I am filled with
paralyzing fear. What if he hurts me? What if, without knowing it, he betrays
my trust by not cherishing me at my most vulnerable moment? My longing pulls me
one way, and my fear the other…
Finally,
and this one made me cry today. I am at work and I get out of the truck to
start checking pens. As I walk towards the watering bowl it hits me. It is March. Five months ago there was
a possibility in my mind that I could be pregnant. The baby bump would be showing, and I would start feeling
its bulk. The thought that at this
point in my life I could have carried such a miracle, a little somebody that I
could pour all my love into, caused a fresh explosion of loneliness in my
heart. I started to cry. Sobbing I walked down pen forty-seven. I watched as
the calves started to play, so much like children… and it sent me into a fresh
round of tears.
I
read in a book that the best way to heal is to pour love into others even
during our most painful moments.
We must empty all our pain into loving those around us. This is me pouring out my pain for the
love of girls like me, and even men who regret the choices they’ve made. DON’T have
sex. Not until you’re married. For
my sake, for your own sake, please don’t. The thought that somebody else would
bear the scars that I bear tears me apart. The notion that some might bear scars even deeper or more
painful than mine makes me want to scream and lash out at all the injustice in
the world.
Please,
protect your heart. Pray that God
will protect your heart, and your purity.
When it comes to sex, ignorance is bliss. Hold on to innocence, and purity and naivety.
"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine." (Songs of Solomon 1:2-4)
But not until God as blessed me to be kissed.
