My writing is my escape. I don't entirely understand my own emotions and identity, so I don't expect others to entirely understand them either. However through writing I can work towards explaining myself, to others, and most importantly to myself. Often people will jump to conclusions and often I find myself wishing they'd give each other a chance to explain themselves. Now I have made myself that chance by creating this blog in which I will simply post assorted pieces of my works of writing. Some will be creative, others autobiographical, some may even be prophetic, all with display assorted perspectives that I have experienced throughout my life. Some of these perspectives I have discarded for other ones, or changed to create a more open minded worldview. My hope with this blog is to slowly build myself an identity by the feelings I felt while writing the pieces, and hope to convey to the people I share them with.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

A Real Sacrifice Recieved


           I once said I wanted to write something beautiful. I did. Then I gave it away.  It was hard for me to give him my words.  It wasn’t hard to give them away when they didn’t mean anything. This time, when my real emotions were invested in them, when I knew my words might have negative consequences, when what I wrote was so pure and true, I wanted to selfishly keep those words to myself.
            My words are a part of who I am. Every time I write something I place a piece of myself down on that paper.  I gave other parts of myself to him. He left with a large part of my innocence and a little piece of my heart.  Yet my soul doesn’t seem to mourn for those the same way it grieves for my lost words. 
            Writing has always been my escape. When life gets too real for me, I can hide myself in my words. Writing is my release. When my emotions get to be overwhelming I can verbalize them in a positive and safe way by setting them down on paper.  When life is on paper it isn’t as scary. When my feelings are on paper they don’t have to be hidden away inside of me anymore.
            Trust is not something that comes easily to me. It used to, but I was disappointed and betrayed too many times. It is probably the reason I don’t make friends very well. I have to know a person is completely trustworthy.  That’s why I have such a hard time giving my words away. I don’t trust him, yet I gave him one of the purest and most treasured parts of me. 
            This must be what sacrifice really means. God doesn’t ask us to do what is easy. He doesn’t ask us to give up things that aren’t important to us.  He set the example by giving away his only son, for us. Now he’s asking me to give somebody my words, words that, realistically, came from God in the first place.
            This is my new challenge and prayer. God show me ways that I can give away my words. Show me how to do that. In doing so I may give them back to you, as a sacrificial offering of praise and thanksgiving for the forgiveness and sacrifice you gave me.

           

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
a broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise.”

~ Psalm 51:17
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